Impressions

And so begins a month of lies. No, a year of lies I've told. Ugly venial sins. Somewhere in your syrupy embrace glared at me my cheating heart. Somewhere in those puppy-like eyes became apparent to me your vulnerability. And it revolted me. I couldn't bear to be - depended on. It is what we fear the most that becomes our obsession for if we weren't to fear it, we'd be indifferent to it. If my faith were so strong, then it wouldn't be so fickle. I saw you crumble but I didn't want to hold you together fear of being clung on to. You've put me up on a pedestal and I'd prefer just to fade into nothingness, lost in a blue mist of oblivion. My memory's getting hazy as reality becomes fantasy, a morphed view of the world. And when you beg me to take you back, I push you away all the more. And your needs turn violent. You snarl and you rage and then you shrink back into your docile self. After a moment of quiet, you speak once more and gently you remind me that soon Katie will call and then she'll say, "there's good love out there, just you wait, you wait."