Dans mes rêves...

In words I cannot express, such is this frustration. You came to me - oh, just what I'd long longed for - but I desire you not. Not since the dream, that which sent chills down my spine and I shivered, I shivered like in years I have not. Could it have been the truth? It's left me wondering... a philosophy. I wonder, could it be? They struggle, so do I, we all struggle daily but they know not of my struggles. And I make grand plans, schemes that come crashing at my feet. Fall, then rise, and one by one, I piece it all together. And it fits - it all fits - except the last piece which I've lost perhaps never to find. And I eyed him enviously, his cool collected composed demeanour and I understood. I understood that all are not created equal and then began the monologue that lasted the night and brought him down and he hasn't contacted me. Is it because I can't speak Arabic? I tried to learn, for reasons I haven't confessed - yet. But I guess I failed. I suppose I can invoke the "Arabic is one of the hardest languages in the world" statement and it all becomes good. Yet I feel no better. And I haven't given up. Then why do I have a resigned tone in a blog entry that was supposed to be optimistic. But I haven't given up, I say again. And in September we shall meet once more. And the Europeans descended - not from the Heavens - but from somewhere in the atmosphere and they sang, they belted out tunes. The wall, it broke. What did I think? No really, what was on my mind? C'était oublié! What of the naked men? I'm afraid that I can't get that image out of my mind... the long ugly penii just hanging there. This isn't me, I repeatedly told myself yet there I was stealing glances, hiding behind pillars, much to his frustration. What was happening to me? I decided to confess this to him. A sense of urgency had returned. I shivered. He left my side. I cursed him and everyone I knew and vowed never to trust again. But I did and I will. And he who had gifted me with smiles - oh what a rarity - he attacked me again and I recoiled, surprised. Then I scowled at him and decided to add one more item to that list. After all, that's not the piece I've lost for good.