Why?

I am not restless but I'm still waiting for the phone to ring. I'm less emotional and more curious which is quite unlike me. I haven't conjured a billion scenarios but I'm still thinking of it enough to write about it. They say that you shouldn't focus on it too much - things have a way of working out. This is an argument for destiny. They also say you should be more assertive - you never know when you might miss on an opportunity. This is as argument for freedom of choice. Conflicting advice, that's not a first. When someone discusses something of the nature with another person, their first instinct is to comfort him/her. But I don't need comforting. I'm just curious dammit! My life hasn't come to a halt. In fact, there isn't even a dent in my life but still I wonder why...

In the winter mist, I looked for answers, surrounded by tall buildings and tourists. I walked in and I walked out - twice! It was like being enclosed in a bubble - I didn't let anyone in, I didn't want to. And it was immensely therapeutic. After the disaster that was pre new year's eve, last night was splendid. I got some much-needed tranquility in a city where it's impossible to find. And slowly, unrealistic fantasies of desert vacations grew distant and I began to thrive once more in the pulsating, energetic metropolis also known as el centro del universo - my new home.

In the New Year...

In the new year, I give up. Just looking at this lovely photo of dusk from little over a year ago fills me up with memories, a face marked with hope. I remember this time last year, I had a cat licking my scalp as I lay next to the corpse watching the stoned couple make out to Mentirosa. This new year's was different. I had a lot more time by myself. I shut myself up in the solitary apartment away from all the excess and reflected on things. I dreamed of running away to the desert, an endless sea of pure sand in every direction. Beauty in simplicity, dehydrated under the cruel Saharan sun, sand being blown into my mouth and eyes. Yes, I'd take that over the crowds. But I can't take time off or I would grab my passport and make a mad dash for the airport. But in the new year, I must wait. Patience is key. In the new year, I shall forge allegiances, with the city, with the people, blend in though they tell me it takes 10 years to fully assimilate. But I've never cared much for titles, nor for people who like creating exclusive clubs. I speak with conviction yet I know not what to expect of the new year. I'm confused by the cruelty of kind people who point out what they know plagues you and discard you when one they deem has more merit is near. Yet they are the ones who shower you with gifts and take you places and remember you when you most need it.

Hmmm... I need to hear something positive so today's goal is to go see a fortune teller to see what the new year holds for me.