Adoren

When I caught you looking towards where I walked, I averted my eyes for fear of being exposed. The feelings I hold are mine only. I veiled my sad disposition with mindless chatter and laced it with a burst of laughter to complete the illusion of indifference. But I cared. And I still do.

You misled me, love, with your open nature, with your tenderness. Perhaps if you'd been crueler, perhaps if you'd been less kind, the feeling in my heart would diminish with time. My nervous demeanour could've aroused your sympathy but no. But no! It wasn't just me, it was also you. My heart might be naïve but it can't mislead me; it never has. And I knew what I felt, a feeling I haven't felt in years. It gave me hope but then he took it away from me, seemingly cruel but he was sparing my feelings, I know.

Adoren, I do, for this I cannot explain to my comrades. But this I will confess: I have stolen past your alley several times in hope of being recognized sans succès.

I feel a little pathetic and I made my confession, I did. But still, it did not help and my agony has only grown to a level where I cannot contain it, where every permutation of your name taunts me mercilessly. Oh love, what am I now, the grime on these windows or the dirt beneath the sole of your shoes or the speck of dust that floated onto your magnificent tie and you flicked away with indifference.

I was tempted by fate who painted me a beautiful lie, with promise of what I long for, what I crave but... I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain... ce que je suis, tout seul.