Not going

I couldn't not heed to the warning voice in my head so I called the airline and cancelled my flight. I still don't know exactly why but I fear that if I had gone, something terrible might have happened.

Random ramblings

They don't forgive easily, that's one thing I've learnt about them. Perhaps it's because they don't forget easily. And things in life shouldn't be that way. You have to pay the price for your mistakes and tally up your losses, extract your lessons, formulate values and move on. Perhaps those who forgive too easily lose their allure just as easily. Could this be why a strict God commands more obedience than a gentle God?

I don't know. Lately, I've just given up on religion. It was days when it actually mattered to me that I debated about it. Now discussions that try to invalidate religions based on minutiae that don't make complete sense are starting to bore me. If looked closely enough, every religion is flawed that way. So I guess you have to mould yours according to what you believe. Perhaps that could be interpretation. I don't know. Are religious scriptures not the word of God? My acquaintances were incredulous when I proposed they were. Has the idea that they're not gained common acceptance?

Times change, the human race changes. Yet I find it a little depressing to admit that there might not be an afterlife. What then of the poor in India and Africa?

Then there are small gestures that warm your heart like my co-workers who brought me back some chocolate just because they know I love it so much. I guess it wouldn't have meant as much to me if it were my birthday or some special occasion. I guess it is true that the best gifts are the ones you're not expecting. I guess this lady I know who just got pregnant (without wanting to) wouldn't quite appreciate that saying...

More crap...

It seems like I've surrounded myself with people who just don't give a fuck. I went through this last year. I looked through every entry in my phonebook and I deleted every person who called me only when they needed me and ignored me when I needed them, or people who try to put me down. And I'm a lot happier for that. Now I've surrounded myself with a new group of people and I feel like cutting all of them out as well. Why are people like this? Is it just me who attracts such people or is the world just one blob of self-obsessed individuals?

I honestly feel like running away to a warm, tropical place so I can get away from the human race for a bit.

Silent treatment

I fear that I'm alone in this world. With severed ties, I stand, accused. But I maintain that I didn't wrong you. If you want to, blame my conscience. My heart had pleaded me to maintain silent approval but I just couldn't watch you self-destruct. We're adults but does that mean we don't need guidance anymore? Is the offering of advice such a grave sin that you will set up a barrier of formality between us?

I'm sorry but I can't offer you the same indifference you find in others.


Heavy heart gets lighter by your side
But there are thoughts I wish I'd heard
If they ask you how I'm holding up
Say I'm holding out for the words.

Maybe in the apple I'll find joy

I'm an emotional being whose emotions gravitate towards those around him. He's special to me, this one, and I feel I'm sinking with him. I'm afraid he's throwing his life away. What can I do? I am just another voice in his head and he doesn't know what he wants. How can I blame him when I don't know what I want? I have the wisdom of years. I was there, now I'm here; things haven't changed much. I know what I must do but I still don't do it. I must be a masochist.

Ever since I returned from the apple, I can't get it out of me. It has seeped into me and now all I think of is the apple and I hope to find joy in it. I have the apple inside me but will I get to eat it? I guess I won't know till I make an attempt. Perhaps it'll disappear from my palm or I might get to taste its sweet juicy flesh filled with lust and promise that has lured many for centuries.