Through with this BS!

I have fucking had it. And all over a bloody laundry basket too! My laundry basket is *NOT* a bin! I freaked out because she used my laundry basket for fucking garbage! And I don't care if there was a bag separating the basket from the garbage.

I guess this has been brewing for a while. I don't lose my cool that often. But I've been sitting like an ass and whining continuously. It's time to take some action! I give myself 8.5 months; that's financially viable. It's necessary because if I don't do it, I'm going to rip my heart out of my chest and stomp on it until I fucking get that I have to do this!

The Curse of the South Asians

I was sitting in the train, half-awake, listening to some music, when all of a sudden I smelled it. I frantically smelled my own clothes to ensure the smell wasn't coming from them. You can smell it in our clothes, our hair, our kitchens. It seeps into the house, can be smelled from outside the house, or when you come back home after a trip having left the house empty for days. It's something we're petrified of and we spray cologne repeatedly to get rid of - the smell of tadka.

Resolve

I've resorted to listening to ghazals. When you descend into this hopeless state, it's comforting to listen to words that are equally hopeless. I can't say I've had the best Thanksgiving weekend... I'm descending into this mopey state. And I don't want to. I need to pull myself out and make things happen. No more sitting around. I am taking my life by the reins.

Mohabbat main naheen hain farq jeenay aur marnay kaa
Ussee ko dekh kar jeete hain jiss kaafir pay damm niklay

Fingers crossed

I bought a lottery ticket for the Princess Margaret Hospital last night. I figure that if I don't win, I've donated money to a good cause and if I do win... well, then I'll pack my bags and catch the next flight to Nepal.

In recluse...

I feel like such a recluse. I live in a town of 50,000. My journey back home is through farmlands and fields. There are cows and sheep and goats and the hills in the distance. The stars are visible at night and I feel tempted to count them. I keep going till I lose count, lying in the comfort of my balcony wishing I had a hammock. I'm getting used to this. I'm starting to prefer the quietness of this town compared to the chaos of the city. I've barely begun my life and I want to retire. I want to run away and live deep in the Himalayas, solitary. Life was not meant to be this complicated. I crave simplicity, a moment to pause and think. But I wonder if I could live without all I have come to take for granted: hot water, Internet, phone, ... I don't even have religious motivation to carry me through the lack of these things. But living here, I'm beginning to think that perhaps I could do it. I could run away to Nepal and spend the rest of my days as a recluse...

And so the years went by
Within my rocky cell
With only a mouse or bird
My friends, I loved them well.